04/06/2009
I do grow weary of holidays at times. Even more so when I am busy (like now). But this coming Sunday is the day those who follow Jesus celebrate as the day Jesus rose to life again after his crucifixion and death three days prior.
This is probably the most significant event for followers of Jesus because of the impact … yet it seems to be left in the shadow in comparison to Christmas and even the Superbowl.
I am tired of not focusing with my family on this event and am curious how some of you have celebrated/observed the Death and Resurrection of Jesus with your family. I don’t want it to be about eggs and gathering with the family to watch tv.
One thing I have heard about is beginning Friday night, turning lights off, tv off and gathering to reflect/remember what Jesus did in relation to our sin. Then Sunday morning (the day of the rising of Jesus from the dead) lights on and PARTY!!!
I would love to celebrate the resurrection, but have it celebrated in comparison to the death. Why celebrate anyone like this? Because with Jesus our sins can be forgiven. When our sins are forgiven, we can actually be from from that kind of bondage that propels us to not do anything for God – in many ways we are broken. But with sin out of the way, we can do the things we desire for God: serve others, love others, lift others up, etc. … rather than just serve myself … or even serve others with the hope of being noticed for it (back to serving self). God is so holy that he can’t have sin around him, with the forgiveness, we can have a relationship with God. There is more to discuss on this topic …
… right now I just want to know how you plan to celebrate the Resurrection (if at all).
faith, Jesus, photo, sin, thoughts
2 Comments »
02/13/2009
When my girls were younger, I would arrive home and they would run to the door to greet me by hugging and kissing on me. Though now when I get home, they don’t come running to me, they at least look my way and smile big smiles and say something like “Daddy’s home!” or “Hi Daddy!”.
We also have this thing we do if I get a chance to sleep in and am not rushed in the morning I’ll yell out “Where’s my girls!!??” at which point their response is usually to come running into the room yelling “Daddy!!!” and hopping in my bed and one will snuggle to me on my left and right side. (If I am really lucky, sometimes Mer will play along and run and jump on the pile of Mooney’s!)
I LOVE IT! I CRAVE IT!
I love their attention and excitement for me. I crave it. In many ways it is much like worship. (Now hold back, I will never accept worship to me … so put your minds to ease).
I believe that kind of devotion and excitement is the kind that God both loves and craves. If my girls were to see all of my self (thoughts and actions) they probably wouldn’t be as devoted to me. God, on the other hand, has no sin or imperfect thoughts or actions and is totally worthy of all thoughts/devotion/attention/love.I have to check myself often on how I even give any kind of attention to God. If Jesus were to walk in the door right now, how would I greet him? A quick glance, or longing devotion?
busy, Jesus, thoughts
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02/06/2009
A couple of weeks ago I decided that I would step down from Men’s Ministry. A bout a week ago I made that knowledgeable to the church leadership. This week it is now official.
I feel like a failure.
I shouldn’t … but I do.
Strange how I think that I have grown a bit in my faith enough to get over insecurities of not having a “title” or “position” in the church, like a trained assassin this came back in my life and skillfully knifed me. I can look back and can see how I had been establishing myself in the position, as if God really needs ME to do it. I am doing ministry, but not being very effective. I held on to the title of Director but didn’t do any directing. After talking out loud with a pastor at church I realized that what I REALLY want to do and what I am currently doing are not lined up. It’d be like asking a football player to play basketball – sure it’s a sport, but is it the one you are skilled in?
What I feel gifted in is leading, training (discipling) and teaching. For me, directing a program involves some of it, but adds on another element of what I don’t want/need to do. I had this constant pressure of wanting to keep the program going and pleasing guys (guys who don’t email back – ya know, the whole reading thing). The problem was that even though the turnouts were well attended for the various things we have done, I wasn’t being satisfied.
I also know that right now, I am in the midst of some pretty big things at work that are tugging my time away. I -can not- be split in too many ways. My wife and I are trying to make sure that we spend adequate time with each other as we need to. Stepping down from this role really is a wise thing to do.
Yet, I still struggle with that failure thing. If I had put more effort, more time, more thoughts into it, it would still be running. But I can’t. I am just a dude. Yet still … I battle this thing of what makes up my worth. I can say on the surface that I know that my worth isn’t in what I do or what my title is. But I swing that way. Argh! This will be a trying time for me. I need to make sure that I find my value in Jesus and what He thinks of me and not in the things I do. If I move in this direction of faith, I will be better and leave this foolishness of pride behind. It is easy to evolve ourselves into the proverbial human-doing (instead of human-being) I know corny corny corny, but quite true. My doing should be a result OF who I am.
So “what am I?”
I am a sinner – who has been given an incredible amount of grace by Jesus who died for my sins so that I can have a relationship with the Creator of the world and also has the ability to not be eternally effected any more by my sin which gives me an incredible amount of freedom to live life in the way that Jesus did which allows the world to see Jesus to also be redeemed. Whew … long sentence.
busy, church, deepthoughts, Jesus, thoughts, tough, work
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01/25/2009
Today at church towards the end of the second service, I was standing in the hall just waiting. Somehow me and a couple of guys were talking about this one particular guy that comes to our church. His name is Ron and he is homeless and an alcoholic. He has a “corner business” at the end of the street. He comes fairly consistently and has not asked for a dollar (that I have seen) from anyone that comes. He is quite loud and at this point am unsure if it is his personality or drunkenness. If you stand more than a few feet from him you just might become intoxicated by osmosis.
He started coming as another church merged in with ours. Some of us guys have unofficially taken turns sitting with him to tap him on the leg/shoulder when he is getting loud again. He has mellowed down quite a bit over the time and even though he is “less” disruptive, he is still disruptive. What I mean is that (besides the odor) he has this really loud voice and really loud clap … a clap that sometimes is on beat to the music, but mostly just loud – like sonic boom loud. If you are in Marion County on Sundays around 9:15am and hear thunder, but see no clouds … it’s Ron.
At first I was pretty much like “we have to do something about this guy”. But, like stated earlier, some guys were spending time with him. Then I was thinking how “cool” it was that we had a homeless guy coming to church. And how we’re “loving” him and not kicking him out. But today, in that conversation, at the end of the 2nd service, standing in the hallway – it came up that we really weren’t loving him. We were tolerating him … at best, but not loving him.
In our day and age it’s easy to think we love someone if we tolerate them. It’s almost like our value of what a human is, is based on their toleration of people. As if to say “oh look how much I am good by the amount of tolerance I portray”. But sometimes, people plain need to be smacked in the head. Ron is an alcoholic. If I just quietly (maybe even smuggly) sit next to him to quiet him down, what good is that doing him? It might show him that I can stand to be around him, but is that what he needs? Or does he need to get away from his addiction to alcohol? Ultimately, it is safe to say he needs to surrender his entire life over to Jesus … and whether he is a believer in Jesus and needing to be rid of this kind of bondage, or a non-believer needing to come to faith in Jesus for deliverance … he simply needs Jesus and the power over sin that He provides.
I imagine the “tolerance” people that read this post might be offended at that, but hey … tolerate it or be hypocritical.
What can Jesus do with a drunk? A lot. What can Jesus do with me? A lot. What does Ron need most right now? He doesn’t need a tolerant, friendly hand. He needs to come face to face with the biggest road block in his life … his addiction. I was too tolerant to give a damn. I was playing nice, but not loving. What did it take to get to Ron today? It took someone willing to confront him. Was Ron offended, noticeably! Will the conversation change his life? The conversation won’t, but quite possibly the thoughts from it might bring him to the point of needing he needs to stop sinning. (He was asked in our conversation with him if he wanted to stop … and after verbally dancing around the issue, he said he just didn’t want to change). I was standing there the whole time thinking, these are the right words to say to him (what one of the guys was saying in the group that is), but they were words I wouldn’t have cared enough to speak to him.
I am thankful for the brave one who cared enough to love.
I am a bit shamed at myself that I didn’t.
Lord, may I not be afraid to love … I am so glad you weren’t.
Do you have a similar story? Care to comment?
brave, drunk, fear, love, sin
3 Comments »
01/17/2009
Here I sit again … after a long and exhausting week wondering “what have I done?”.
I am much too involved. What hit home recently was my youngest who walked in the door from somewhere saying something like “Woah … Dad’s not on the computer!” My kids apparently think I am addicted and … well … maybe I am. I didn’t start out thinking “hmm … I will spend 2-3 hours a day as I watch tv getting on the internet and social interacting/surfing/etc.” I didn’t sign up for this! Well, I did, I logged on to an account on facebook.com and twitter.com and who knows what else, so I guess I did sign up.
I have a dream, but am I really working towards it? Am I doing the things necessary to help build toward what I believe God is nudging me to do? I don’t think so.
Instead … I have excuses.
“I am working too many hours!”
“No one else will do it” (or worse) “no one else will do it as good as me”
“I need to veg”
Whatever they are, they are still just excuses.
Starting this week I will be limiting the time I am online. I also will attempt to turn the tv off unless I actually want to watch it, not as filler for my surfing. What will I be filling it with? Spending time connecting more closely to God, Mer and the girls. If there is time left, I will begin working at my dream again.
I also will be praying about what ministry to give up (currently involved with leading the Men’s Ministry, Starting a Young Adult Ministry, general leader at church and podcast for Rethinkmonthly.com. They are all needs right now … but like I mentioned in the leadership meeting today, “Do I really need to meet the need?”. Last time I checked, I don’t have an “S” on my chest nor a crown on my head. I have limitations. And I currently have no boundaries – or at least if someone were to bump into me, my life would just spill over the edge and make a mess on someone!
Thank God I have hope. Hope that this life is NOT all there is … that there is MORE to it. Jesus has changed my life and most likely I would be thoroughly distraught, but I know He still has a plan for me and I am going to step back towards it. It will involve my wife and my kids. I am looking forward to something different.
How do you choose your priorities?
busy, ministry, stop, tired, tough, work
8 Comments »
01/08/2009
90 days at work have come and gone. I passed my evaluation and can now breathe a bit. The place where I work seems to churn through leadership like butter!
I set out at the beginning to accomplish the task of getting to know my staff better, understanding the job sufficiently and honoring God as much as I can.
I believe I have done that for the most part. Surviving 90 days had some stress involved for me. One of which was my own new leadership. We are still looking to hire a new director but may not take place until February. Hopefully we get our ducks in a row prior so that there are no more changes.
Though thankful for what I have learned so far, there is still more to learn. I really want to make sure our department is ready to go when the move happens. It could involve some internal structural changes that, if done well, could make huge impact on those within the community.
I am now going to go enjoy a day off tomorrow … I took a vacation day and now will have a 3 day weekend!
work
1 Comment »
01/03/2009
I sit here pondering if I will have another year like last year. A year filled with me pushing my own desires out instead of waiting for God.
I have talked much about this lately with others and haven’t found a simple non-cheesey, non-religious way of following Jesus.
For some this would mean MORE bible study, MORE prayer, MORE ministry, MORE meetings and MORE potlucks! Others it will mean as my friend stated “do I just sit in bed waiting for Jesus to speak to me to show me what to do next?”. This stinks for me, as having been a pastor for over a decade you’d think I would know how to best and quickly answer.
How I would love to live my life is different then how I actually live it. Does that make me a hypocrite? … Yes, yes it does. What do I do when I sense that about my life? I push harder, try harder, make things happen only to be found … once again, seemingly distant from God and not feeling like I am doing much in the way of eternal impact in peoples lives … shoot, I almost would be happier with any kind of impact – even if temporal.
I am not wanting to plan my year out for fear I will be in that same spot. I also don’t want to simply wait … and then second guess if that was “God’s voice” calling or my own.
I do have a job that I like, but it isn’t my calling. I really do yearn for doing ministry full time, but my debt is holding me back. I don’t see that I am pouring my life into my children so that they can “taste and see that the Lord is good”. My ministry at church is ok, but since the lay off I haven’t gotten plugged back in … and then when I did, I was frustrated at how many guys aren’t plugged in online to interact with easily. It would be easy to blame the complexities of my current job as the reason for what is going on … but I think it is much deeper. I think it is a longing to be near Jesus again, in a way that there is no doubt as to what His will is in my life.
How do I get there again?
All I know is to go back to the things I did when I was much closer.
What was I doing?
- I was spending time daily reading the Bible recognizing the intent is to know more about God. The Bible is God’s revelation to humanity to reveal not marching orders, but to reveal God himself in ways we might better comprehend.
- I was spending time talking to Him.
- I was spending time sharing Him with others in a way that people also want a relationship with God.
Simple, really. Just need to do it, without making it too complex! Do I really need to drag out all of my study books, just to read the Bible? Is it necessary that I write in a journal, just to pray? Do I have to set up a meeting and strategize with others, just to continue the story of God in the world today? WHY do I make things more complicated!?!
Jesus,
Take my life, make it how You want it. Allow me the privelege of seeing You work within my world. Help me not be so complicated in being with You. Let my girls tell I am connected with the Creator of the world.
Bible, faith, meaning, thoughts
2 Comments »
12/12/2008
Wow. I seriously am unsure how I might be able to stop and smell the “roses” this Christmas. Work has kicked up quite a bit with project management in the forefront of my mind with a plethora of deliverable’d needing to be … well … delivered as well as my other responsibility of being a supervisor to (gulp) 36 people who have varying needs to be attended to. It has definitely not been easy, but having that hope of being done keeps me motviated towards the end.
Other things have happened lately, some I can’t share yet, but one in particular is my first podcast colaboration. I was able to write for Rethinkmonthly.com, and since then also did our first podcast. Even last night we planned the next podcast to hopefully be out just before Christmas. This has been really fun to be involved in and I will enjoy it immensely. If you are wanting to hear my nasaly voice … you can go to www.rethinkmonthly.com/podcast and listen online … or even go to itunes and download to itunes or listen online there. HEY!!! If you listen to the podcast and leave a comment, you just might be a big winner in the contast.
Also, I will be speaking at a retreat for young adults in January, and being that “motivational speaker” in February. The Young Adult ministry will start in January after the retreat, but will be an everyother week until it sees a need for more meetings and is resourced for it. Chad H will be partnering with me — though he already dropped out of 50% of the meetings … sheesh!!! Chad, you are a slacker and I dare you to actually comment on my blog! 
I have hopes that the young adults will actually be plugged in to the online community. It will make the “gaps” between meetings more connection-focused.
It seems like I am busy and I am. This is where it will get tricky. I can easily see myself going full bore into exhaustion. I have a feeling that in January the project management will slow down a bit as many of the up-front stuff will be finished. I will have a better workflow for myself. The pace for young adult ministry will be doable and I have a major goal of just teaching and coaching there. The podcast (as far as my part) will be fun and straightforward simple (except for Chris‘s part).
But what about Christmas time?
So far, we the girls and have done a nightly advent reading and praying. It got me thinking about actually creating a better advent reading plan for next year.
Kenzi and I dropped Madi off at a b-day party then hung out for a few hours while Mer had some mom’s over for a party. It was cool. But I know that since being out of the Pastor responsibilities, my Christmas’s have been much less stressful, but this year with only having Christmas day off, I have a feeling there will be no time to pause and reflect and think and ponder (am I missing any words?) Jesus! Christmas past showed me the business of doing various church activities that rushed me through the season with panting breath. The last few years have allowed that element of pondering. This year I MUST focus on Jesus or it is meaningless for me, just another rushed day among too many.
Going to bed and sleeping in now … YES thank you Jesus!
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