Posts Tagged ‘busy’
Tomorrow, I get a much needed (unsure about the deserved part) day off. Having worked 18 days in a row with one day off (that I ended up having to work a few hours anyway).
What will I be doing. Mer and the girls will be gone at co-op most of the day. I will either be in bed or on the couch watching the Lord of the Rings trilogy!
Oh yes … and maybe some sleeping.
8 months ago I was hired on at the hospital. I was pretty much told on the day I arrived that “you’re boss has been fired, and your going to be doing two jobs while being paid for one”. The other job was that of basically a project manager, making sure that my areas were able to be moved into the new tower effectively. Now that the tower is over … well that’s a bit relative, at least until I work out all of the optimizations. I do have to say, it is nice to just be what I was hired to be – a supervisor.
I have learned a few lessons in this whole ordeal.
1) I need to operate better in my strengths, and find someone else to operate better in my weaknesses.
2) Just because someone else says they “need it” right now, doesn’t mean that they “need it” right then.
3) It is ok to prioritize your work and schedule based on your goals assigned to you by the one who writes your review.
4) There is never, ever any good reason to work 60 hour weeks multiple times.
5) There is never EVER a real good reason to work a 73 hour week .. and end it with a 19 hour shift.
6) If your wife says you need to slow down, slow down!
7) When your heart goes wacky and causes you to take a trip to the ER just to be “reset”, it’s time to chill out and relax a bit
8) When your staff can see you half naked laying in an ER room it’s a good idea to ask them to close the door. Yeah … also, make sure you have clean underwear.
9) Take breaks!
10) Don’t neglect your relationship with Jesus (or family) because of work. It will ALWAYS be busy.
Have you learned anything from your work habits?
When my girls were younger, I would arrive home and they would run to the door to greet me by hugging and kissing on me. Though now when I get home, they don’t come running to me, they at least look my way and smile big smiles and say something like “Daddy’s home!” or “Hi Daddy!”.
We also have this thing we do if I get a chance to sleep in and am not rushed in the morning I’ll yell out “Where’s my girls!!??” at which point their response is usually to come running into the room yelling “Daddy!!!” and hopping in my bed and one will snuggle to me on my left and right side. (If I am really lucky, sometimes Mer will play along and run and jump on the pile of Mooney’s!)
I LOVE IT! I CRAVE IT!
I love their attention and excitement for me. I crave it. In many ways it is much like worship. (Now hold back, I will never accept worship to me … so put your minds to ease).
I believe that kind of devotion and excitement is the kind that God both loves and craves. If my girls were to see all of my self (thoughts and actions) they probably wouldn’t be as devoted to me. God, on the other hand, has no sin or imperfect thoughts or actions and is totally worthy of all thoughts/devotion/attention/love.I have to check myself often on how I even give any kind of attention to God. If Jesus were to walk in the door right now, how would I greet him? A quick glance, or longing devotion?
A couple of weeks ago I decided that I would step down from Men’s Ministry. A bout a week ago I made that knowledgeable to the church leadership. This week it is now official.
I feel like a failure.
I shouldn’t … but I do.
Strange how I think that I have grown a bit in my faith enough to get over insecurities of not having a “title” or “position” in the church, like a trained assassin this came back in my life and skillfully knifed me. I can look back and can see how I had been establishing myself in the position, as if God really needs ME to do it. I am doing ministry, but not being very effective. I held on to the title of Director but didn’t do any directing. After talking out loud with a pastor at church I realized that what I REALLY want to do and what I am currently doing are not lined up. It’d be like asking a football player to play basketball – sure it’s a sport, but is it the one you are skilled in?
What I feel gifted in is leading, training (discipling) and teaching. For me, directing a program involves some of it, but adds on another element of what I don’t want/need to do. I had this constant pressure of wanting to keep the program going and pleasing guys (guys who don’t email back – ya know, the whole reading thing). The problem was that even though the turnouts were well attended for the various things we have done, I wasn’t being satisfied.
I also know that right now, I am in the midst of some pretty big things at work that are tugging my time away. I -can not- be split in too many ways. My wife and I are trying to make sure that we spend adequate time with each other as we need to. Stepping down from this role really is a wise thing to do.
Yet, I still struggle with that failure thing. If I had put more effort, more time, more thoughts into it, it would still be running. But I can’t. I am just a dude. Yet still … I battle this thing of what makes up my worth. I can say on the surface that I know that my worth isn’t in what I do or what my title is. But I swing that way. Argh! This will be a trying time for me. I need to make sure that I find my value in Jesus and what He thinks of me and not in the things I do. If I move in this direction of faith, I will be better and leave this foolishness of pride behind. It is easy to evolve ourselves into the proverbial human-doing (instead of human-being) I know corny corny corny, but quite true. My doing should be a result OF who I am.
So “what am I?”
I am a sinner – who has been given an incredible amount of grace by Jesus who died for my sins so that I can have a relationship with the Creator of the world and also has the ability to not be eternally effected any more by my sin which gives me an incredible amount of freedom to live life in the way that Jesus did which allows the world to see Jesus to also be redeemed. Whew … long sentence.
Here I sit again … after a long and exhausting week wondering “what have I done?”.
I am much too involved. What hit home recently was my youngest who walked in the door from somewhere saying something like “Woah … Dad’s not on the computer!” My kids apparently think I am addicted and … well … maybe I am. I didn’t start out thinking “hmm … I will spend 2-3 hours a day as I watch tv getting on the internet and social interacting/surfing/etc.” I didn’t sign up for this! Well, I did, I logged on to an account on facebook.com and twitter.com and who knows what else, so I guess I did sign up.
I have a dream, but am I really working towards it? Am I doing the things necessary to help build toward what I believe God is nudging me to do? I don’t think so.
Instead … I have excuses.
“I am working too many hours!”
“No one else will do it” (or worse) “no one else will do it as good as me”
“I need to veg”
Whatever they are, they are still just excuses.
Starting this week I will be limiting the time I am online. I also will attempt to turn the tv off unless I actually want to watch it, not as filler for my surfing. What will I be filling it with? Spending time connecting more closely to God, Mer and the girls. If there is time left, I will begin working at my dream again.
I also will be praying about what ministry to give up (currently involved with leading the Men’s Ministry, Starting a Young Adult Ministry, general leader at church and podcast for Rethinkmonthly.com. They are all needs right now … but like I mentioned in the leadership meeting today, “Do I really need to meet the need?”. Last time I checked, I don’t have an “S” on my chest nor a crown on my head. I have limitations. And I currently have no boundaries – or at least if someone were to bump into me, my life would just spill over the edge and make a mess on someone!
Thank God I have hope. Hope that this life is NOT all there is … that there is MORE to it. Jesus has changed my life and most likely I would be thoroughly distraught, but I know He still has a plan for me and I am going to step back towards it. It will involve my wife and my kids. I am looking forward to something different.
How do you choose your priorities?