Here I sit again … after a long and exhausting week wondering “what have I done?”.
I am much too involved. What hit home recently was my youngest who walked in the door from somewhere saying something like “Woah … Dad’s not on the computer!” My kids apparently think I am addicted and … well … maybe I am. I didn’t start out thinking “hmm … I will spend 2-3 hours a day as I watch tv getting on the internet and social interacting/surfing/etc.” I didn’t sign up for this! Well, I did, I logged on to an account on facebook.com and twitter.com and who knows what else, so I guess I did sign up.
I have a dream, but am I really working towards it? Am I doing the things necessary to help build toward what I believe God is nudging me to do? I don’t think so.
Instead … I have excuses.
“I am working too many hours!”
“No one else will do it” (or worse) “no one else will do it as good as me”
“I need to veg”
Whatever they are, they are still just excuses.
Starting this week I will be limiting the time I am online. I also will attempt to turn the tv off unless I actually want to watch it, not as filler for my surfing. What will I be filling it with? Spending time connecting more closely to God, Mer and the girls. If there is time left, I will begin working at my dream again.
I also will be praying about what ministry to give up (currently involved with leading the Men’s Ministry, Starting a Young Adult Ministry, general leader at church and podcast for Rethinkmonthly.com. They are all needs right now … but like I mentioned in the leadership meeting today, “Do I really need to meet the need?”. Last time I checked, I don’t have an “S” on my chest nor a crown on my head. I have limitations. And I currently have no boundaries – or at least if someone were to bump into me, my life would just spill over the edge and make a mess on someone!
Thank God I have hope. Hope that this life is NOT all there is … that there is MORE to it. Jesus has changed my life and most likely I would be thoroughly distraught, but I know He still has a plan for me and I am going to step back towards it. It will involve my wife and my kids. I am looking forward to something different.